Cookies, Bloody Cookies

Let’s talk about passive aggression. The ability to snipe at others in this fashion and do so successfully takes patience and intelligence. And to spot it also takes intellect. Spite under a cloak of “support” or “helpfulness” works like this: You welcome a new neighbor whom you wish weren’t in your neighborhood by bringing her home-baked cookies, and then while she’s at her door, holding your plate and thanking you, and ready to invite you in, you step back off her porch, you tell her how miserable it is living on the block.

If she asks you, “Why would you say that?” your reply is, “I’m just trying to be helpful. I’m just trying to let you know what you’ll suffer by living here. And I brought you cookies.”

But the truth is, maybe her house is nicer than yours, and you wanted it, but couldn’t afford it. So for spite, you tell her how awful her life in that house will be going forward, but you do it with cookies.

Some part of you knows it serves you no purpose, it doesn’t change anything in your life, but you do it because you feel resentment over whatever it is she has that has eluded you thus far. You have a need to ruin it for her, and part of you hates yourself for that. Hence the cookies.

You hate yourself and you are also a coward. You know, that with your plate of cookies in her hand, she’ll be confused. She’ll have trouble pinpointing why she feels bad now, even as the delicious smell of cookies tickles her nostrils. You also expect that because of those cookies, she will feel small if she calls you out on your vindictiveness.

But if she does call you out, because someone like you has crossed her path many times before, you can retreat and say, “Huh? Why are you upset? It’s just a plate of cookies. I was only trying to be nice. And welcoming.”

(But you know that’s not what you were doing, don’t you? And if she’s smart, so does she.)

And now, you have made your new neighbor the one who is wrong. You can now pretend to be “hurt” , “shocked” even, by her words. When inside, you’re gloating, because you got to her. You made her feel bad, and you were able to turn it on her, which is just what you wanted.

Here’s the thing: You may feel satisfaction over that for a few moments. She may feel bad about it for a few moments. But, at the end of the day, she’s still in that nice house, and you aren’t. You wasted time baking spite, instead of making your own plans to get into another house.

And if she was smart enough to call you out on your pettiness and smugness, she will be smart enough to dump your cookies in the trash and not partake of their poison.

P.S.  Yes. This is written for you. I know you know who you are. Thanks for the inspiration. I threw away the cookies.

(Photo from ThePartyAnimal-Blog.Org)

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