Seven Ways to Flirt With Your Husband


Seven Ways to Flirt With Your Husband

After the fires in Greece, lost young girls, devastating storms and several other tragedies that have taken place in the world in the last week, not the least of which seems to be, if we can judge by the tremendous newspaper coverage it’s been getting here in the States, the demise of Britney Spears pop career, I thought I should lighten things up a little with this week’s blog.

Hence I present to you, my neighbours and friends, “Seven Ways to Flirt with Your Husband.” This might be of interest only to female readers, but I hope men will review this, too. In case I’ve got any of it wrong, I welcome being set straight by the male population. Any insight into the masculine mind is helpful to those of my sex who value our associations with our men.

It’s been my experience that these work well if you’ve been in a romantic relationship with a man, married or not, for at least five years and it’s a reasonably happy one. For the purpose of this article, ‘happy’ means that when his key turns in the lock, you say to yourself (most of the time, at least) “Oh, good, he’s here,” and not “God help me, he’s here.” Even if the “oh, good,” just means you’re planning to send him out for milk, or waiting for him to take you to the cinema, you feel safe with him and within your partnership. In fact, you’re both so comfortable with each other by now, that blatant flirting seems ‘silly,’ maybe, or just too contrived. Still, you might be thinking…you know…it’d be nice to “add a little spark,” without making any drastic changes in your day-to-day interactions and without having to try out the sexual positions they outline in Cosmopolitan. (Those are daunting to all but the most lithe and nimble amongst us.)

The methods below, some tactile, some mental, are easy and subtle. They’ll make your man feel like a million dollars. Trust me, he‘ll return the favour.

1) Make eye contact. Okay, so he’s telling one of his stories you’ve heard at least a dozen times before. So what? For some reason, he likes to tell this story, whatever it is. Maybe it reminds of a time when he felt really good, or maybe, if he’s telling it while you’re with other people, he believes it makes him sound witty and fun. What do you gain by rolling your eyes or saying, “you’ve told this one before?” All that accomplishes is to make him feel small in your eyes. He’ll think, “she doesn’t really like me to talk to her” and so he won’t. Then you’ll feel slighted that he has nothing to say to you any more, like he “used to, when you first met.” If you’re out with people and your reaction is negative, it does more than just make him feel small. It embarrasses him. And it will make the others with you think you’re bored with each other, or worse, have no respect for one another. And doesn’t that describe the fun couple to spend an evening with? Also keep in mind that if he’s so inclined, he’ll be able to get back at you for this one in the long run. Hormone fluctuations caused by pregnancy and/or menopause, will have you not only repeating stories, but forgetting things you’ve already said and to whom, what you were doing and where you were going. Keep all of this in mind, as you look straight into his eyes when he tells that story…again. If it’s supposed to be a funny story, laugh. Again. If it’s a serious story, say, “wow.” He’s trying the best he knows how to impress you. So act like you’re impressed. It shouldn’t be hard, because you were impressed, weren’t you, the first time you heard this story from him? Relive that and he’ll notice your eyes on him. Before you know it, he’ll be staring right back at you, with pride and love that he‘s can still hold you riveted after all this time together.

2) Touch him. Not sexual touches, small, fleeting, unnecessary touches. These have their most impact when you’re not in bed, ready to do the deed. Stroke his shoulder briefly, as you pass him while he’s sitting in his chair, watching telly or reading. If he’s at the sink and his back is turned to you, pat his bottom as you go from one room to the next. As he’s just dressed for work, fresh out of the shower, lean into him, sniff and say, “Mmmm.” Out to dinner with those friends again? Very briefly, touch the back of his hand, absently, while you or someone else is speaking (Not while he’s speaking, though. He’ll probably think you’re trying to signal discreetly that you want him to shut up.)

Remember, if this man has not been cheating on you (and we hope he hasn’t,) the only romantic touch he’ll ever experience again on his body, forever, is yours. Show him it was worth making that commitment. Show him you like to touch him, you like being the lucky woman who’s able to touch him where no other woman can. He’ll think about you for hours.

3) Laugh at his jokes. His silly, corny jokes. It doesn’t matter how lame you really think they are, or if again, you’ve heard them before. The delight on his face should be worth it to you. If it’s not, you’re married to the wrong man. So be his best audience. On the other hand, if he’s making a ‘joke’ to be annoying, just ignore him. Laughing as though you’re amused when he means to be amusing, and ignoring him when he’s being obnoxious, is positive reinforcement. The same dismissive “tch” of irritation from you, whether he just wants to see you smile, or whether he’s deliberately trying to provoke you, sends the message to him that no matter what he does, he’s nothing more than a minor nuisance in your life. And who amongst us isn’t driven wild with lust when the object of our affections makes us feel like we’re no more significant than a mosquito?

4) When things are getting ‘stirred up,’ out of the blue, pick a body part of his and tell him it’s “sexy.” Not the usual ones. Eyes, lips, bums and privates are ‘old hat.’ Pick something you haven’t mentioned before, at least not too often. Tell him he has sexy eyebrows, or toes, or fingernails, or knees. Trace whatever it is with your index finger and smile. You’d best pick something you really do think is cute or sexy, because then you should give whatever it is a quick kiss or tongue flick. Say, “May I kiss you there?” And when he says “yes,” which of course, he will, do it. Think this is silly? Laughing now, because, after all this time, your husband/lover has knobbly knees, or everything else equally shop-worn? Really? How ‘bout your body parts? Still as perfect as they were when the two of you first met? Chubby, thin, saggy, hairy, bald – whatever – this man is yours. And you are his. Have fun with that. Nobody else but the two of you are watching.

5) Take an interest in his interests. Don’t belittle them to him by saying things like, “it’s just a game,” or “it’s just a hobby.” Think of your hobbies/interests – are they “justs” to you? Or are they passions? Mine are cooking, politics, books, languages, poetry, decorating, foreign films and music of all kinds and types, weight-lifting. Gosh, I have several and many of those, my husband is only mildly interested in. He has other interests, which include baseball, poker, math, stock market fluctuations and rice farming. Yet, he doesn’t demean my passions, nor I his. One of his friends recently told me that his former girlfriend used to call his ‘men’s league’ baseball uniform his “baseball costume.” How passive-aggressive. You don’t have to dive into your husband’s/lover’s interests, but you do have to respect them. Listen when he talks about them. Ask questions. Not desultory ones- specific ones. You might find the answers more intriguing than you’d supposed. At the very least, you’ll learn something new. In my association with my husband, I’ve discovered that baseballs pitched exactly the same way, by exactly the same pitcher, in different weather and climates will ‘behave’ differently, that the stock market goes up and down as much on people’s perceptions and emotions, as on economic tangibles, that there are more types of rice than I ever could have known and that the latest Superman movie had grievous errors in it, because in the film, Superman moves green kryptonite and Superman in the comics, absolutely cannot bear to be near green kryptonite. And that’s not all he‘s taught me. I’m happy that I know them, as I never would have if I hadn’t met him. From me, he’s learned how to swear in Greek, finally tasted genuine Italian food and has enjoyed living in the benefits of feng shui. There’s nothing sexier than seeing the person you love excited about something, watching their eyes light up when they tell you about the things they love. And there’s nothing more exciting then talking about the things you love, with the one person you love, more than anyone else. So, listen when he talks about that slider, that photo lens, that golf stance, that quarterback, Beckham, his poem, whatever.

6) Say something ‘silly-saucy’ when he least expects it and when it can’t lead to sex. This has the best effect if you say it when he isn’t too distracted by something really pressing. For example, my husband rang me up last week on his way home from a business trip, to tell me that his plane would arrive the next night at 7:30 p.m. Ordinarily I pick him up at the airport. This time, however, I told him, “Oh, seven-thirty tomorrow? I’m so sorry dear, you’ll have to get someone else to pick you up. I’ve already got a date arranged for then with Mr. Gonzalez. We’re having dinner and sex after.” (Mr. Gonzalez is our friend’s seventy-year old gardener.) After a short pause, my husband, replied, “Oh. Alright then, honey, ask Mrs. Gonzalez to come get me.”

7) This is the best one I have to offer. When something happens that he warned you about, or predicted would happen, tell him about it. Start by saying, “Well, you were right again.” Say it with pride, not annoyance. He’ll then, for sure, say, “About what?” You got his attention. Who doesn’t like to be told how brilliant they are?

You might think this article is a silly bit of fluff, but I beg to differ. What makes life worth living most, after all, besides loving another person? Tragedies invariably come along, as noted in the first paragraph. Happy relationships are an elixir to the spirit, a reaffirmation that it’s worth being human, worth getting out of bed in the morning, no matter what current devastation is happening in the world. These little ‘flirting tips’ will put a smile on your loved one’s face and yours, too.

As women like to be flirted with much differently than do men, now that I’ve got your attention, next week I’ll write, “Seven Ways to Flirt with Your Wife.”

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  1. I would welcome your views on how to flirt with your wife should you have the inclination at some point, (I suspect you will tell me to use some or most of the above but I'm jut checking). I shall take your advice with me on holiday.

  2. hey, i totally do all of these! hehe… okay. not all of them. but most of them. hehehe.

  3. We already know your husband is a LUCKY man…..

  4. Ahhh, Next week I'm planning to write 'How to Flirt With Your Wife.' I think they'll be some other suggestions, as women are so different than men. When are you going on holiday, BTW? My freinds in Cyprus promised they still were going to get more restaurant recommendations….I hope they give them to me in time…

  5. hehehe… i like to tell him that! ;P tee hee!but really, i'm lucky, too. 🙂

  6. Great list! 🙂 heehee….if this was a test, I would pass with flying colours! I am happy to report that I do all of these.
    Part of being married long term is treating your spouse with love and respect and affirming them on a regular basis. Laughing together and being excited about each other's interests is a very important part of that and making your spouse know and feel that they are important to you.
    I have to laugh about one time a few years back when we were playing Trivial Pursuit with a bunch of friends and a golf question came up for me. I answered it easily and shocked the heck out of my hubby. It wasn't an easy question and he wanted to know how I knew. I told him it was because of him that I knew it. With him talking about this stuff all the time, it shouldn't be surprising that I pay attention and actually remember some of it!! haha…I remember him being so proud! It was very cute! 🙂

  7. "Part of being married long term is treating your spouse with love and respect and affirming them on a regular basis. Laughing together and being excited about each other's interests is a very important part of that" I agree wholeheartedly.And the golf story is a real sweet one. It's true that we absorb what they're telling us. You'd be surprised how many married women I know who don't want anything to do with a list like this. It's really sad. Their standard response to something this would be, "Why should I do all this work?" Duh- because it benefits you, if you do. Of course, now I'm caught. As my husband sometimes reads my blog, he might say, "All right- which joke did I tell that you really think is lame?" And so on.

  8. Its sad that those other married women don't get it. I think that they aren't getting what they need from their spouse so they don't want to give him what he needs. Its the basic hostage/ransom situation…..and when has that ever ended well?
    I don't know if you have ever read The Five Love Languages but in it he talks about 5 basic love languages of which we all have one primary one and usually a secondary one. Our primary one is the one that really makes us feel loved. The languages are touch, words of affirmation, gifts, quality time, and acts of service. And when our spouse "speaks" our love language, our "love tank" gets filled and we feel loved. The problems occur when our love tanks are empty. A lot of marriages get in a bad place when both spouse's love tanks are empty because neither spouse wants to make the move to fill the other's love tank. I think this is where those other women are at. They don't realize that their hubby needs his love tank filled just as much as they need theirs…and that someone needs to make the first move.
    Another thing a lot of women dont' get is that their hubby may be all big and strong and demanding of other people…..but one look from his wife is all it takes to make him crumble. Our approval means the world to them and that is a responsiblity we should not take for granted.

  9. I haven't read it, but I think I'll get it. That's the kind of self-help book I like to read. I loe getting pointers and reaffirmation that I'm on the right track emotionally,whether its for myself or for my relationship. Remember when we were talking about low self-esteem a few weeks back? I think there must be degrees of it, because you appear to have a healthy relationship with your husband and feel enough confidence and value in yourself to understand your important place in his heart. When I spoke about the young women I've met, I meant some that are so incredibly needy that they honestly feel they need someone else to fill themselves up, if you know what I mean by that expression.A woman like that, a person like that, can never give another love, because they feel so empty inside that they blame the other person for it. I know some of my women friends were needy this way when they married.They hoped the act of making a marriage was a move forward or up, somehow. It wasn't because they wanted to enrich their lives by having the man they loved in it, they actually hoped the man could 'jumpstart' their lives for them. Their husbands could never fulffill what was missing from inside them, and because marriage wasn't the panacea for these women that they had hoped, he gets blamed for it. they see him as not having done the 'right; things to make the marriage a happy one. It's not just women who are like this, either. I've known men who expected their wives to fulfill something inside them that wasn't there and should have been. Some people honestly think a partner is going to make them whole. This definition of love is a very weak one. I don't know if I have explained what I mean very well. I was in a situation like that, once. I was married for almost twenty years to a man who drained me, literally. You can't do enough for a person like that. That person's 'love tank' as the book you mention calls it can never be filled. It has a hole in it. I think we're blessed that we don't view ourselves or our husbands that way. And our husbands don't see themselves or us that way, either.

  10. This is wonderful. I'll be trying several of these very soon! 🙂

  11. I loved this! I've been married to my husband for amost four years. We are total opposites but it works for us and I've never been happier in my life…Some of what you mentioned I do naturally…Ecspecially "laugh at his jokes" my kids think he's a dork…I think he's hilarious. He NEVER takes himself too seriously and even better than that he doesn't take me too seriously either. So we just laugh all the time!
    Marriage isn't easy….but it shouldn't be torture either! Your tips are great suggestions for lightening up the mundaneness that seemst to settle into marriage at times!

  12. #1 and #2 are really backed up by new research in brain chemistry, too. Eye contact and touch help promote the production of oxytocin, which is one of the brain chemicals involved in emotional bonding between people.
    #3… so that's why she laughs at my jokes. I thought I was genuinely funny. Now I'm sad.
    #4 sounds like fun.
    #5 really should go both ways. Sharing in each others' interests is, I think, essential.
    #6 A good sense of humor makes everything better.
    #7 Oh… I thought she really admired my intellect. Oh, well.

  13. let me know how they work for you! : )

  14. Mine is considered a 'dork' too, by both his kids and mine, Those corny jokes really crack me up, though. Yes, it is very hard work to keep the mundane and necesssary from stealing the breath out of the love, Especially when you still have kids in the house. That's' why I made them 'easy' things Who's got time?

  15. Actually, you really are funny and smart, judging from your blog, so I don't think she has to pretend too hard..I didn't know that about oxytocin, for example. See how smart you are? I thought that was only present in quantity when mothers gave birth, so they'd bond with their babies…..

  16. It is, but it's also present during the first flush of love between men and women, and can be prolonged by touching and eye contact. I read a lot about it. I think it's a fascinating subject.

  17. You're certainly not kidding. That is fascinating and important to learn about. Would you have any reading to recommend to me on this?

  18. I used to be an assistant to a midwife and when a mom was in labor and the labor stalled. She would suggest"nipple stimulation". This releases oxytocin and promotes contractions…naturally. Of course most women in labor aren't to keen on the idea of Nipple Stimulation…LOL That Oxytocin is some powerful stuff! LOL

  19. Good point. "Nipple stimulation" would not be high on my list of preferred activities during labour. I remember the first 'surrogate mom' years and years ago, who changed her mind after the birth about giving over the baby to the couple who'd hired her. She said she couldn't do it after having seen the child. The psychologists and doctors cited oxytocin as the reason she bonded with the baby. Others who were more cynical said she did it for more money. For the life of me, I can't remember how that case was resolved.Oh – here's something funny. I mentioned Paxton's comments about couples bonding and prolonged oxytocin, etc. to my husband at dinner tonight. He was skeptical, but then he spent the entire meal STARING at me. Of course, it was funny, but you see what I mean? Dork jokes. And they married the right women, because we think they are hilarious!

  20. I think people with holes in them have other challenges they need to overcome and not just an empty love tank.
    People who look for people to fill the "holes" in their lives, are the same people who think that having children will fix a broken relationship or fill a "hole".
    True happiness is found within. The analogy of 2 halves making a whole is a myth in marriage. Two people must be whole to make a complete union. 2 half people only make a half-assed marriage and one big divorce.
    Recently, I heard a great analogy that likened marriage to being like having fresh bread all the time. Marriage requires work just like having fresh bread does. You have to put some work into it on a regular basis: it takes some kneading, some rising, and some baking and heat is a requirement of a lot of the process. I thought is was an interesting way to think about it.
    And with respect to humour, both my husband and I crack each other up all the time. Sometime I feel like no one else understands our sense of humour because sometimes its so silly. But I think that is a great thing….as spouses, we enjoy each other and we share so many "in" jokes….its wonderful. Sometimes in public, we dont' need words when something comes up because we both think the same thing…and its all we can do to not crack up too much!
    There is nothing wrong with being a dork. I married one….and so did my hubby! 🙂

  21. Gosh – if we ever get to that beach, we'll have soo muchto talk about! I wonder if we would though, what with getting massages and sipping tropical drinks? Fun to think about!

  22. Speaking of Massages, Dorky Husbands and Drinks I have to blog about a hilarious thing that happened in Mexico last summer with my husband! Can you say…Drunk Dork with a Camera??? LMAO…I'll try to get that up today with pictures! LMAO


  23. Looking forward to it! Send me the post when its done! : )

  24. haha….we would have plenty of time to talk…..over those yummy tropical drinks and yummy snacks as we lie on loungers on the beach or sitting in chairs placed in shallow water to stay cool! (in between :))

  25. That's my idea of a perfect holiday. Of course, if you add a bit of snorkeling in to see those beautiful tropical fish, then maybe a night out to listen to local musicians play area music, or perhaps we'd let our husbands drop in for a day or two, just to get some romance into the mix..Ahhh. The funny thing is, I'm right now sitting in my office, in my sweats, drinking coffee and writing. We got a sudden cold snap her ein orthern California and I actually have my little portable heater switched on. (I just can'ttake the cold at all since having lived in Greece where it's mostly warm the year through) And yet, I can actually visualise that holiday as though we are there. I think its the photo on your blog that did it. How are you feeling today, by the way? I was thinking about you and your Mum this morning….

  26. First of all, BURN COSMOPOLITAN IMMEDIATELY!!! And no, I will not explain the reasons. Second, Patricia, yes, your tips can work! A man needs to know that his girlfriend really caters his feelings and his life. And, as for me, I want my girlfriend to be independent, to have a life on her own, to respect her family and friends and to have a job. A woman who is satisfied with her life, I believe that she is more ready to love. But, as I said, this works for me!

  27. You're sooo right.the girl who gets you will be lucky, I can tell. Hee hee. I've just got the girl for you. I mean it. I wonder if you know her. She lives in your neighbourhood and used to be one of my pupils. She' s your age, too. She won't be after your money, because she's got plenty of her own. She's smart, independent hardworking and sexy, too.If you want, I'll send you a private message with her name, but…please you must tell us, why burn Cosmopolitan?That sounds like really interesting story….

  28. Send me your pupil's info ASAP!!! hehe!No! Seriously, I am waiting!Why burn Cosmopolitan? Let's see… When it first came out in Greece, girls went crazy. At first, it looked like an innocent girly publication that treated flirting , sex and erotic relations with humor. After months, I noticed that the sex advice was way too much. Talking about sex, yes, it is liberating, but we should treat it properly like every other thing that gives us such a pleasure.Oh, wait, sex gives the ultimate pleasure! That's the reason we should treat it with more respect than reading advice that guide us how to become the next pornstars! In addition, most relationship advice never took under consideration the most normal and logical explanation in a flirt failure: Honey, he is not that into you. Simple, clean and easy-to-understand. Human relations can and should be simple; people and their inadequacies complicate them. I know that I may sound nihilistic, but let's face it, it is true. My advice to all women out there: don't stop trusting your instincts! They will never lie to you and stop reading all these magazines that tell YOU how to treat YOUR man!You are better than that! If you need counseling, go to a professional.Thank you for your attention!

  29. Hi Patricia,

    These are great tips! My husband and I both love and respect each other and have always done so. These tips reveal a lot of fun and exploration ahead…..

    THanks!Love you!

  30. Let me know if they have a good effect! : )

  31. Well, I'll be sending you that private message shortly.As for Cosmopolitan I agree with you absolutely. When I wrote that, as with several of the things I write, I wrote it "tongue-in-cheek." (An idiomatic expression which means "sarcastically, but in a kind-of humourous way) It's true that Cosmo sex advice is useless unless the man you're hoping to "snare" is already "snared." And the woman has to be alread ybe 'snared' by the object of her desire too. You can't use sex as 'bait' to get someone who isn't interested in you that much, or as a manipulation tool over someone who loves you. It's designed by nature to bring pleasure and fullfillment mutually to two people who are already connected and want that connection to grow stronger. People pervert it for use in other ways, but that's true with so many other things, too. Take the interenet for example, It can be used to find information exchange ideas, meet people from all over the globe…and it can also be used to engage in repulsive illegal activities.

  32. Patricia, I think you should turn the title of your article around to seven ways to flirt with your wife. A relationship works two ways. I don't want to be in love with someone who doesn't love me. Only 35 years in, but I still love and respect my wife, partner and friend and anything else that you'd like to call her. It's not all sunshine and daisies, but when the sun does come out, like any farmer, you must get out there and get the harvest in.

  33. Love should work both ways, you're right, Bob. In fact, I hope you don't mind, but I quoted you in my blog this week, "How to Flirt with Your Wife."

  34. i know this is not on the subject at hand but how do you get your man interested in doing it. He says he can live with out it. But enjoys it with me. But i dont get it that much. He says he like it when i flirt with him. I do some of the stuff that you say but i need to know what else i can do please help me!

  35. you got a wonderful style in amping up a room.

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