You’re Not Alone, Girl

 

One in five grown women have a mother who actively dislikes them.  So for every 100 women you meet, 20 of them have had their hearts broken, not by a lover, but by their mother.

Remember that percentage if this is what you’re dealing with this holiday season. You’re not alone in feeling unwanted by the one person who was/is supposed to love you unconditionally. Also, as an aside, mothers in general, even the kind ones, are twice as likely to be critical of their daughters as they are of their sons.

So, though it stays with you forever to some extent, it truly helps to know that you’re not defective or unlovable. Women who shouldn’t become mothers do so anyway, for a myriad of reasons that have nothing to do with actually wanting to have a child to love and nurture. The problem is a society that sees bearing children as some sort of medal-winning accomplishment, one that makes women feel like failures or vain and selfish if they don’t achieve it.

Equating motherhood with sainthood fails those children who are suffering at the hands of the one who brought them into the world. We don’t want to believe those children. We shame them if they come forward, by saying things like, “But she’s your mother,” or “What did you do to upset her?” This is what we do in general with too many who dare to come forward with abuse allegations. Why? Because by their very existence, the abused prove the flaws in our sacred perceptions. And we can’t deal with that, can we?

Hang in there.  Some of us see you and hear you. 

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