Julia Roberts in "Mirror, Mirror"
One of the most difficult things about living in the 21st century, is the high expectation on our physical appearance. Plastic surgery obsessed celebrities, the fashion industry only using size zero models, the media criticizing anyone who dares put on an extra pound. Over the last 20 years in particular, perception of beauty has become even more warped than it was before. And I didn’t think that was possible.
Deny it all you want, but we’ve all fallen victim to insecurity, when we’ve seen a picture of Beyonce with her perfect skin, or Jennifer Aniston with that glorious hair. The pressure to stay young and beautiful is enough to drive us all to our beds, playing FoxyBingo on our laptops, and eating chocolate. Lots of chocolate.
It makes me feel awful for children, particularly young girls. Childhood should be about running around and making the most of our carefree years. Instead I hear of more and more young girls, some as young as seven, obsessing over their looks.
Being self conscious about my looks was definitely something that occurred when I hit puberty. That’s probably true for most of us. It’s like one day, we look in the mirror and suddenly, all we can see are our imperfections.To this day I don’t know what caused that change, but I suspect it’s something to do along the lines of we wanted to be attractive to others for the first time in our lives, at a time of our lives when we’re probably looking our worst! And as I said, the media helps along our process of insecurity in a way it never used to. Just think about the recent brouhaha with Ashley Judd. There’s a beauty in imperfection that seems to have been lost over the years due to photoshop, reality stars, and a general obsession with celebrity. Forget about growing old gracefully. Those who try are mocked.
I for one am here to tell you — it’s all just perception, and that’s what needs to change. Not you. Not you at all.
So, I’m giving you permission to be who you are. Without guilt. Without insecurity. Bypass that mirror for just one day and see how free you feel.
You know, we only get one life, and to spend it obsessed with our looks is really and truly a waste.
I am 32 yrs old. There are 13 yrs and 3 boys between me and my little sister. When she was born I was told to feed the baby, change the baby, play with the baby, and put the baby down for a nap. When I was 16 I got pregnant with my own child and taking care of him was par for the course. I have been raising kids for more than 2/3rds of my life and right around 25 I realized that I am going to be who I am regardless of what other people think of me. I started looking at my body and seeing the strong arms that held my kids when they hurt & pushed a broom & mop to clean up their messes. I saw the thick thighs that were wonderful cushion for a toddler to sit on. When I looked at my face I saw fleshy cheeks that it easy for the infant to grab and look at. But most of all.. I saw how big my heart was and how it made it easy to love anyone and be compassionate for someone going through rough times.
My little sister who is now 19, engaged and has a infant of her own is struggling with her own body perception & self-esteem in general. I told her to tell herself one positive thing about herself in the mirror every day. She will find that her self perception will be better, she will like herself more and she will pass that one to her 6.5 month old daughter she hits puberty herself.
I am at a point in my life that if you are going to judge me based on my looks then I probably don’t need you in my life. But if you can get passed my big butt, my thick thighs and my flabby arms and get to know my spirit then I will bend over backwards for you.
Great Post Patricia!
Joyce,
I love this refreshing outlook! And it is evident by your photos that you have one gorgeous trait that most women would kill for — a joy for life that no one can take away from you. It emanates from you. Your sister is very lucky to have such a role model!
When my mom had my last brother.. I was angry and wanted them to put him back and bring out a girl. Of course that couldn’t happen but 10 yr old kids always wish it could! So the moment I knew I was having a sister I was elated! I am my sisters’ keeper. This is my gorgeous sister! She decided to keep a blog on tumblr to help keep herself accountable.
http://eves-keep.tumblr.com/post/26817969309/hello-you-its-me
Wow. What a powerful post your sister wrote. I wish I knew what makes us all feel this way at times in our lives. If any magic potion could really be made, it should not be like the magic potions in Snow White that put the beautiful one to sleep, it should be a magic potions that WAKES up the beauty in all of us…
I didn’t know how your sister would feel about my commenting, so I didn’t. But tell her that I hope she figures out how beautiful she is.
Your so right Patricia,I just went on a meet with a woman who had a nice young looking 49 year old photo and said she was trim and worked out daily, its my first dating site,little did I expect a waay older looking overweight woman who I didn’t recognize,I went through with the date stunned but talkative and a few days later I told her about how we talked on the phone about how honest we were and how she should change her picture and her body description,she overreacted and told me she took herself off the site until she could lose weight to date shallow thin guys,I replied Hey im not shollow,my ex was the exact weight as you are now,I was just stunned that you were not like your picture or weight description and please don’t crawl up inside yourself and hide,your still a good looking woman and thousands of women like yourself find the right guy daily & I told her I was calling her up in 3 days because I still wanted to be friends and talk,it was only 1 meet and not a big deal.Patricia you hit it so right on the head its even affecting older women who are very smart and should know better,I now don’t know who im talking to on this site,what he or she looks like and should I just get off this computer and do it the old fashion way where you see what your getting in person,not a picture relying on honesty,im confused and paranoid in KC MO.
I think you handled it beautifully, Craig. You were polite, but then you also told her how you felt in a very positive way. And you were right to feel the way you felt. She started out dishonestly and then try to accuse you of being shallow as her excuse. I don’t know what to say about dating sites, because I did meet my husband online and we talked for months before we actually met in person or before he even saw a photo of me. I wanted to be sure we were responding to each other not by what we looked like. However, most people I know can’t seem to do that. Having said that, I would have an issue dating extremely overweight or overly thin people because it’s not only a health issue, it’s a perception of self issue. If they don’t care about their health, to me, they either have an addiction, a condition, or low self esteem. While I would certainly be friends with a person like that, I wouldn’t want to date them simply because anyone with serious issues would not make a very healthy partner.
Thanks Patricia,I hope you don’t mind me stealing your words “We only get one life and to spend it obsessed with our looks is truly a waste”, I threw that in on our final messaging after the meet. She tried like you said to blame me really hardest on her last message and I should have offered to walk with her and help her lose weight. I responded when we talked on the phone for a couple of weeks you never said you wanted me to be a physical trainer plus you said you were trim like your picture. Either it was photo shopped or taken 20 years ago,I didn’t tell her that, man I went through more drama during my divorce and it was just a meet and greet,she was acting like a 16 year old like we were living together for 10 years and breaking up.Im to mellow of a person to have that kind of drama in my life,it cost me 90 dollars and worth every cent it taught me,if theres not more than 3 pictures showing her whole body then I pass. You were cautious and kind of lucky to find such a great husband,I hope me reading your words gives me some understanding in finding the right woman and maybe a little luck will rub off also,lol. Thanks again Craig