SOCIAL MEDIA MARKETING 101:
1) Collect a careful email list of friends, colleagues, subscribers.
2) Spend a full week culling everyone from said list you think even just “might” not want to hear from you.
3) Spend an anxiety-filled week writing and editing a stupid newsletter.
4) Send your stupid newsletter to list mentioned in Steps One and Two.
5) Check “Unsubscribe” page and discover to your mortification the names of people who forgot they signed up at your website for said newsletter, or whose names you somehow missed when culling your list, such as the receptionist desk at your gynecologist’s office. Learn how polite these people are when they leave the ‘reason for unsubscribing’ as “unspecified.”
6) Check “Bounce” list and discover that your email program is not compatible with at least a dozen people’s whose email addresses you practically know by heart, and who specifically asked you to please not forget to send them your stupid newsletter, because of all the people on your thousands long list, it’s these 12 people who truly love you and support you the most. (People such as your husband. Who didn’t get your stupid newsletter.)
7) Check Abuse Report (even though you’re dead sure you haven’t spammed anyone ) and be slapped in the face by the names of those quiet colleagues whose FB pages you have liked, who have sent you tons of stuff which you read, commented and wished them well upon, who have even asked you favors, and whom you now know were absolutely full of crap and do not like you at all. And the best part about these names is that they are the very same who clicked on every link in your stupid newsletter. (Yeah–that’s right—I know you did. You can’t hide from the Mail Monkey.)
8) Be enormously thankful and appreciative of all the people who opened your stupid newsletter and took time out of their busy lives to click a link or two.
9) Never send another stupid newsletter again, EVER.
Leave a Reply