For those who don’t know him, please let me introduce my blog ‘neighbor’ and fellow writer for HS Radio magazine, Tommy Hames.
Tom and I disagree on almost every current issue, I’ve noticed. And when we disagree politically, socially, economically and spiritually, well…I won’t sugarcoat this ─ I think he’s wrong. Dead wrong. And I think that I’m right. And my guess would be Tom thinks I’m wrong, dead wrong (can you imagine?) and he’s right.
And yet, it’s a funny thing…I still like Tom. And he likes me. Based on replies to my posts, comments he’s made on his, I know he thinks about my perspective, even if he will never agree with me. And I do the same about his.
In fact, sometimes, at dinner, I will tell my husband some of the things about which Tom and I disagree, and my husband almost always says I’m right and Tom is wrong. (He’d be a madman not to, wouldn’t he? After all, Tom doesn’t cook dinner for him.)
But, my husband and I talk about what Tom thinks and writes. And not once have we ever thought that Tom didn’t have a right to his beliefs, or perspectives. Not once have I ever thought him a person unworthy of my regard. Not once have I ever called Tom a bad name.
“What about Tom?” you might ask. Since he’s so wrong, he must get angry at me for being so right, right?
Wrong.
In fact, the one and only time Tom displayed public annoyance over something I wrote on my blog was because it personally involved him.
That one time, Tom was right and I was…well…wrong. And I apologized.
But guess what? Tom felt I didn’t have to apologize, and also felt I had a right to my thoughts. And then, he forgave me and forgot about it. Gracious and right, that was Tom, all in one day.
It was a bit hard to swallow.
Nonetheless, though I didn’t enjoy the taste of crow, I am so glad Tom disagrees with me and I with him, because he makes me think. He helps me remember that there are many sides to an issue, and that just as it’s happened in the past, someone will come along with a fact – a perspective- a news flash- that just might make me revisit my stance. Or at least, understand another stance more.
(Oh- it’s happened and I’m not ashamed to admit it.)
The fact that Tom and I are often diametrically opposed also teaches me to deal with my frustration over those oppositions in the same way that Tom does- with civility.
Here’s another thing. We’re friends. Yes indeed, Tom and I have become friends.
Here are some of the things Tom has done to show his friendship that in fact, some others who agree with me have not:
1) He has sent me emails congratulating me on the success of my book. He not only ‘friended’ my book fan page on Facebook, he got his daughter to do it, also.( Who also sent me a very nice note.)
2) He has asked my advice on his writing (which is very good, by the way) and thanked me for all of my help.
3) He compliments often on my work and thanks me for my friendship.
So from these, I also learned that just because someone disagrees with me, it doesn’t mean s/he can’t be my friend and wish me well, and just because someone does agree with me, it doesn’t necessarily mean s/he will be my friend or wishes me well.
Yeah- Tom and I are very odd, apparently, because we don’t hate each other’s guts and say disgusting things to each other. Because we believe that we live in a country where it is our constitutional right to disagree, and where that very disagreement keeps a balance against the zealots and fanatics on either side of Tom’s perspective and mine.
And, because, despite the fact that we disagree, we share a love for ourselves, that spreads out to our fellow human beings.
And that, I think, is the root of it. People who hate and spread that hate, whether they are on the right side of any issue (mine, of course) or the wrong side of an issue, hate themselves first. Their reason for vehement, violent and nasty disagreement is not really fueled by frustration, but by a terrible fear that they are not respected, or worthy of respect.
Do I sound smug about all this? Well, maybe that’s because I am. And a little disturbed, too, by some of the things I’ve been reading in my VOX neighborhood lately.
So thanks, Tom, for respecting yourself enough that you don’t have to be mean to me when you’re always wrong and I’m always right. You and the family should come over for a barbecue at our place sometime.
You do eat meat, of course, Tom – right?
Sweet concept, Dr Pat.
I have a good friend who is, wait for it, a faithhealer. And you know how much I respect religion.
But the thing of it is, he is a motivated individual who “has a go”. He paints and cops plenty of grief from relatives about the quality but sails on undetered. He plays the sports of the retired and I have been along and tried my hand too. We simply go and enjoy ourselves and chatter away all afternoon.
He doesn’t try to convert me and I don’t bag out his faith. In fact I’m very pleased he is so far into it.
Just lately I have seen things coming out of the States that express exactly this sentiment. I hope folk follow your line of thought and broaden the political narrative. Imagine how much better the outcomes could be.
I think what’s going on here with the partisan politics and the name-calling on the right wing vs. left wing mainstream “news” is far more sinister than that. It’s a red herring designed by those in power to not only brainwash but to get people to blame the other guy, when in fact it’s all politicians, Congress most especially, causing the trouble. But most people can’t see passed their noses… (Sigh)
You’re so right. My brother and I disagree on religion. He is very religious and I am not but his beliefs are jsut as valid as my non beliefs and who am I to say whether I’m right or he is? Mr V and I disagree on a whole range of issues but somehow it works. Difference is interesting and if you spend your time arguing and bitching with people who don’t fele the same as you then you’re going to miss a lot, you might even miss the opportunity to learn something new. I’m intrigued as to what disturned you though? The thing about the internet is that it gives people the opportunity to dispplay some staggeringly awful weirdness and nastiness with total anonymity and some of them take full advantage of this….
Hi V-
This was a particular bit of ugliness I witnessed on a blog written by someone I hoped knew better. Granted this was a provoked attack, but witnessing the verbal wallowing in the muck with someone who was so far beneath him, was more than a bit disappointing.