So I flew to Las Vegas to be with “Poker Pete” for the last few days of the WSOP. Las Vegas is a perfect spot for an ‘A’ type personality like myself to go on a short holiday. There is nothing else to do except relax and have fun. After all the work the past mon
The first day, I hung out by the pool and just soaked up the sun. I had one of those frozen drinks that they stick a fresh strawberry in, so that you can let yourself be deluded into thinking that you’re only having fruit. But I didn’t let myself worry about the calories, or how much it cost (twelve dollars for a tiny little cup, which is ridiculous) because I was on holiday.
I also went for a nice long swim. In between laps, I met this very nice couple who were just hanging out by the side of the pool, Steve and Janelle, from the east coast. We got to talking and they declared they’d had a midlife crisis, up and quit their high-paying, high-stress jobs and were now both training to be nurses. I was impressed. How much guts does it take to do something like that? I did comment that I thought nursing could also be stressful and Steve said, “Yes, but at least it’s worthwhile stress.”
Good point. Anyway, we talked for so long that I didn’t realise my sunscreen had washed off. Now I have a nice toasty feel to my skin on only the left side of my body, the side that was not under the water whilst I was chatting with Janelle and Steve. As my skin peels, I’ll think of them and hope that their schooling is going well. Steve also said he writes poetry and I invited him to join VOX, which I hope he does.
Another person I met on this little getaway, was Rita Rudner. There she is in the photo with me and Pete standing next to her. But I have to say, she doesn’t look like she does in that photo at all. I only posted it, well… because it’s the only one I have of her with me in it, which is obviously the point. You’re supposed to be standing next to the celebrity in the photo, so you can impress your friends. And if they’re good friends, they’ll say, “Wow, is that you standing next to Rita Rudner?” So that’s why it’s posted. I’m giving you all the opportunity to be good friends and ask me that. But as I started to say, this is not a good photo of Ms. Rudner, because Ms. Rudner is actually stunningly beautiful in person. She definitely needs Ross Pelton to be her photographer. I’ll have to tell her that, next time I run into her, since she and I are such good friends now, as we’ve had our photo taken together.
The reason I went out of my way to meet Rita Rudner, is because she is also quoted in my new book, along with my husband, Pete (As I mentioned in my last blog) and a few dozen other people. Many of them, apart from Pete and Rita that is, are long dead, so they probably won’t mind if I quote them. I’m pretty sure Pete doesn’t mind, either, because I’m his wife and he gets certain benefits from me that predispose him to being amicable to it. But Rita gets no benefit at all and just because I am a fan of hers doesn’t mean I shouldn’t at least ask her if its okay. So that’s what I did and I’m waiting to hear what she has to say, after she finishes reading what I gave her. If you see her quotes in my book, you’ll know she was cool with it. She seems like a nice enough person.
In addition to that, she and I certainly share some similarities. For example, both of us are very curious to know why people bring infants into the casinos in Vegas, when it’s so clear that that’s the last place they belong. In her act, Rita asked, (see now, I’m quoting her again) “do they let you cash them in for chips?”
Brilliant question. I’ve got a few others to add to it along the same lines and maybe some of you know the answers. Why is it that that the socio-economic levels of the patrons of Vegas are so clearly marked like this: The less income the patrons have, the more infants they have with them, the more they play the slots, the more they eat at the buffets and the more they weigh?
Conversely, the rich, particularly the women, who hang out at the high stakes blackjack tables and at The Bellagio and the Forum shops at Caesars, are just the opposite – gut-wrenchingly, ‘wince-inspiringly,’ painfully thin. Why? Is all their money going straight to costly card games and retail-priced jewellery? Some of their diamond rings weigh more than do. They are so thin and so weighted down by necklaces, earrings, etc, that they have to clutch onto their husbands, just so they can stay upright and take steps.
I know I sound terrible, but it’s what I observed. The more expensive the hotel, the skinnier the people are in it. The cheaper the rooms are, the heavier the clientele. And I want to know – are the rich keeping skinny so that, instead of being envious that they get to stand in the VIP line at the cafes, we’ll feel sorry for them and want them to not have to wait in a long queue for breakfast, like the rest of us? As for the poor, is the money they’re saving on their hotel bill going straight to feed them? Are they storing up food like squirrels do, in case they’re in for a tough winter?
The poorer and heavier clientele have the most children in strollers with them, too. Even if I wanted to get near a buffet or a slot machine, I couldn’t. My way was blocked by prams, babies and very large people. And they never put those babies to bed, either. Here’s what happened on this trip:
Poker Pete and I were walking outside on the main strip one night very late, so late it was early morning, in fact. On the main strip, of course, you’ve got those blokes who hand you the little cards with the photos of the naked women on them. (Rita mentioned them in her act, too.) In other words, what they do for a living is hand out cards that have names and phone numbers of prostitutes on them. One of those guys, just as he’d handed me one of those cards of all things, shouted this out to yet another large couple who were walking with their three, tiny, exhausted children, “Hey – know what time it is? Be parents, why doncha and get those poor kids to sleep!”
I’m not joking, this really happened and so I have one last question to ask:
Ladies and gentlemen – if a pimp in Vegas starts criticising our parenting skills, do you suppose maybe its time for us to rethink a few of our priorities?
. "Fat people are poor" and "skinny preople are rich?" Are you serious?
You need to read more carefully, or else get a slice of 'wry'
Get it?—WRY. Geez, pal.