I know this is a weird screed for March 8, and I'm probably going to get sh*t for it, but what else is new? [Note: I reference sex acts in this post.] Anyone who has read one of my books or watched LYVIA'S HOUSE knows that I'm a proponent of women's friendships, women helping women, and women's rights. But this International Women's Day, I have something to add to that message: If we, as WOMEN, don't also scrutinize and alter how we think about and interact with MEN, whether we are siblings, friends, colleagues, significant others, or mothers of men, we are only fixing the leaks on one side of the boat. Look, we were all spoon-fed the ideology growing up: A WOMAN can only be … [Read more...]
THEY
My first year of teaching English in a New York City high school, my pruney department chairperson was walking past my open classroom door, and heard me ask my class, "Has everyone finished their essay?" She pulled me out into the hallway so she could chastise me on my usage of the word, "they." "The word 'everyone' is singular, as I certainly hope you know, therefore it is not qualified by the pronoun, 'they.' When you use 'everyone' in a sentence, the correct pronoun is 'he'. 'Has everyone finished 'his' essay?' is what you should have said." As this lecture between us took place centuries ago, she was right, as it happens. Back then, the proper pronoun to use … [Read more...]
Dana White and ‘L’
The quote is all Dana White, the red arrow and underline added by me. It resonates, because it took me far too long to learn this. About four years ago, something wonderful happened for me in my publishing career. It doesn't matter what it was in the context of this post, what matters is that I worked so long and so hard for it, had experienced so much disappointment before it, but had persevered, no matter how many times I'd felt like giving up. So when this wonderful thing happened, I was both elated and a bundle of anxiety all at once. It meant so much, yet at the same time, it felt like I was experiencing a success that actually only happened to other people, not to me. Can … [Read more...]
Conformity
First of all, we’re all susceptible to brainwashing and radicalization. Don't for one moment think you're "too smart" for that. It’s nothing to do with being "smart", it’s to do with what you're exposed to. It has to do with being conditioned, while our brains are still young and malleable, to accept a belief held by our caretakers without being offered facts to back up that belief by our caretakers. Up until a certain age, we accept any and all ideas from those nice people, without whom we wouldn't be housed, clothed or fed. Our parents are the first line of defense against us developing early critical thinking skills and the cultivation of original ideas. Schools and … [Read more...]
I’m Sorry
One of the healthiest things we can do for our mind, body, and spirit is to offer an apology to someone we've wronged, once we realize we've wronged them. If we avoid saying, "I'm sorry" because it makes us feel ashamed or it makes us feel weak, we're proving to ourselves that we do have something to be ashamed of, and we are weak. We're so weak, in fact, that we'll feel the need to go a step further to protect our fragile ego. We'll avoid the person we've wronged, for the reason that just seeing them reminds us of the wrong we did that we're too embarrassed to rectify with an apology. Eventually, since we now feel the need to avoid them, we actually start to resent them. By their … [Read more...]
Sylvia and Her Spinach Pie
A number of people have asked for this spanakopita recipe, after I posted Karen's photo of the one she baked using it. But, being a writer, I first want to tell you about the girl who created this version, Sylvia. You can scroll ahead, if you'd rather not hear about her, but I think you'll enjoy making the recipe all the more if you know a tiny bit of the long history between us. I haven't made this recipe in years, married as I am now to Mr. Davis, who wouldn't eat spinach if it came with a plate of solid gold coins. Everyone who might eat a spinach pie is long out of the house, and as for guests, I’d only make it if I were sure they weren't spinach-haters too, as it's a time-consumer. So … [Read more...]
Jellyfish
All four letters in "fear" are in "failure." It's human to fear, and it's human to fail, but neither fear nor failure are in the word, "loser". And yet, that is what's at the root of our fear of failure. We don't want the humiliation of telling people who matter to us that we've made a mistake. We're afraid of being laughed at, of being looked upon with mock sympathy or genuine pity. So, we stay put. Or, if we dare wade into the waters of adventure, and get stung by a jellyfish for our trouble, we wish we’d never tried. We feel compelled to defend and justify: "no one told me there’d be jellyfish. Someone should have said. It's not my fault." Deep down, we … [Read more...]
20 Questions Every American Age 12 and Up Should Know the Answers To
1. On what continent are these countries located? Egypt, Libya, Madagascar, Morocco, Seychelles. 2. Is Africa a country or a continent? 3. After the Civil War, the South entered a period lasting from 1865-1877 called Reconstruction. What was Reconstruction supposed to be? What was Reconstruction in reality? 4. What was the 13th amendment supposed to do? What did it do in reality? 5. What was the Niagara Movement? 6. What was the Harlem Renaissance? 7. What was the “Tuskegee Study of Untreated Syphilis in the Negro Male?” 8. What was the Tulsa Massacre? 9. What Black jazz musician born in 1907 and associated with the Cotton Club in Harlem had college-educated parents? 10. … [Read more...]