I just realized today that it is approximately five years since I returned to the US after having lived in Greece for more than seven years. Gosh, these five years have just zipped by. When the weather warms up like it has, I still miss sitting by the Greek sea, sipping retsina with my friends and eating a feta cheese and tomato salad. I keep saying I will get back there one of these days, but so far, I haven’t done it. At least I can still keep up with my people there via email and cheap internet phone and every once in a while one pops in to send a kid to college here or sell the old property that belonged to the family, or what have you. So it’s not like we’ve lost touch. Still, so much has happened in the past five years, that I think I can be forgiven for not getting back as of yet.
Let’s see—well, there was the divorce itself that precipitated the move back. Then there was the sale of the business over there. Then there was the subsequent remarriage. Then there was the anxiety over the divorce, remarriage and business sale. Would I get out of Greece without having to leave my son behind with his father? Did my son really want to come back to the States with me and not stay in Greece with his father? Were my business partner and I happy with the terms of the business sale? Was I making a ridiculously optimistic mistake in getting married again? Did I know if my judgment in personal matters had improved any?
And apart from the anxiety over the divorce and the move and the sale and the remarriage, there was the guilt. Make that GUILT. I was dripping with it. Would my 14-year-old son adjust to all the changes I had forced on him? (We moved back home, but not exactly ‘home‘—we went to the west coast instead of the east where he’d been born, because after living in Greece’s sublime climate, I knew I just couldn’t abide a New York winter.) So we had the absent dad, the new state, the new school, the new step-dad and stepbrothers. There was the English language for him to contend with, as opposed to the Greek one. And I went from being a working mom to a stay-at-home-and-write mom. Every time he had any kind of issue, great or small, my whole body effused with shame—had I destroyed this kid or what? Said kid could really sense that GUILT, too and like the smart kid he is, he used it and used it good. He got at least a year’s free pass just on my self-reproach.
Gee—you’d think with all the anxiety and guilt, I wouldn’t have gained weight in those first two years back. I thought anxiety and guilt made one jittery and therefore gaunt. But, no. Because, you see, despite the anxiety and guilt there was HAPPINESS and love with my new fellow and love and happiness to me means cooking great meals and heavenly desserts and sipping wine by the fireplace we were lucky enough to have in our new flat. So the first two years back in the States, we had nerves, guilt and weight gain. But we also had joy. For the first time in my life, if I’m honest. I discovered in those first two years back, that the distinction between a happy marriage and an unhappy one, is like the distinction between a federal prison sentence that permits traveling privileges with a monitor strapped to your ankle and the exhilaration of complete exoneration. Much to my astonishment, it was—so far, fingers crossed—that different.
Until the car accident. My new husband lost a son, a boy I was just getting to know. But I won’t write about that today. It took us a while to get back on track, yet we’re managing. There is still happiness, but it’s mitigated now with the complete understanding of what sadness and despair truly is.
Now here we are three years later. I’ve spent the last four years writing, writing, writing. And being disgusted with George Bush, the Iraq war, the Patriot Acts and the Military Commissions Act. And being a wife, mother, stepmother, friend and enjoying every minute of those. And going to the gym, whipping myself back into shape and not enjoying that quite so much. But if I’ve learned anything at 51 years of age, it’s that if you have health, life still holds so many wonderful possibilities.
So, there you have it. My first blog. I hope you’ve enjoyed reading it. Still—be warned—they won’t all be like this one. Going forward, reading my blogs will not be for the fainthearted. Stay tuned.
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Congratulations on your first blog. Not a bad attempt, all in all.
Oh —boo hoo. You were feeling "guilty?"
Welcome to Vox. By the way, you can delete comments like the one from Disgruntled there, then block him from commenting on your blog again. Most of us are nice.
Thanks, Pax. I am a writer, so any reply at all means I have readers. Therefore, no worries—Disgruntled's comments can stay.
All the best,
Patricia
Patricia, your voice comes through so
Patricia congratulations! I can't wait to read more. Best wishes to you.
Patricia,good start, and I look forward to reading more.
Doctor Seuss once said, "be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind."
Hey Patrciai, guess who…just wanted to say nice blog…keep on writing
Sorry, I spelt your name wrong….typo
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Oh my gosh, that sounds like a wonderful trip. I can't believe you have a son that age. You look much too young.
I wonder if disgruntled is the same warm soul who decided to post the flollwing verbal vomit. I haven't posted his name here…but I will say that his blog doesn't reflect this kind of anger and hatred..so I am hoping he just had too many drinks and was speaking from a place of pain and not the anger he left in the blog.
"However, I will say she's been living under a moldy old rock somewhere if she still naively belives that this is solely a "sexist world women live in" when more and more women are in positions of power, firing men from their jobs at will, stealing our children and billing us for it so they have more money to whore around with, and picking fights with men just so they can gleefully have them thrown in jail whether they were hit or not. -Plus, she's apparently unaware of the national "push" right now to stick a woman, or that arab Obama in the President's chair too. Awww, the victims women are nowadays..".
Without going into the whole riduclous conversation….I'll simplify it by saying he didnt like the dare I gave a male contestant in the Truth or Dare group.
Except for the 'arab' Obama bit, which is racist, he does sound a bit like he's bleeding from some bad experiences. It's funny how bad experiences make some of us all the more determined to find good experiences, while others just wallow in being victims. 'Disgruntled' hasn't turned up in a while I suspect Paxton might be right. He might be someone I know, because he doesn't post his own blog and he joined VOX a day after I did….
Hi Patricia, I was drawn to your blog because my sister lives unhappily in Greece and needs to divorce the creep she's married to
Wow. That's unbelievable. I've just written a whole memoir about that. It's going to be published soon. If you're interested, you can see excerpts of it at http://www.patriciavdavis.com Where in Greece does your sister live? I wonder if we ran across each other. May I ask if she is Greek?
Hi Patricia,
Thanks for writing back to me. I was looking to find something about getting divorced in Greece when I came across your blog – and on a whim I wrote to you. My sister and I are actually Greek Australian (there's lots of us.) I'm living in New Jersey and my sister married a Greek (she taught English at some of the private high schools. She lives in Agios Stephanos – just outside of Kifissia.)
There is a law firm in New Jersey, called Hahalis and Kanoupis, who handle Greek and American law. I am not sure if they handle Australian as well, but they have offices in New Jersey and Glyfada. I want to warn you that if there are children involved, she needs to secure a lawyer before taking any children out of Greece,as Australia and the United States are now part of the Hague Convention(meaning, they will arrest your sister if she takes the kids out without her husband's consent) Also,and this part is VERY important she has to secure a lawyer who is not ONLY in Greece, as she will get burned. (I speak from personal experience here) I thought I was signing one divorce paper, when in fact, I signed something entirely different. I got in touch with Hahalis and Kanoupis too late. I am pretty sure their wesbsite is greeklaw.com but in case it's not, just look up Hahalis and Kanoupis New Jersey and you will find them. Please keep in touch with me and let me know what happens with your sister. I still have friends there who can quite possibly help her. In matters like this, women need to stick together.
Thanks for the information Patricia. I will definitely look up the law firm.
You bet women have to stick together and help each other out. Take care. Patty