Every January 1, we see it: the word, “resolutions.” And we start the fresh year off with a depressing list of our failures hanging over our head thus far. What if instead of New Year “Dos” we tried some New Year “Don’ts”?
- Don’t put yourself down. Ever, for anything. So the number on the scale is higher than you want it to be? Are you saying that makes you unlovable? Wouldn’t you be the same person you are now, even if you were thinner? Do you really want a new friend or lover who likes you only when you’re looking your best?
- Don’t put others down. Social media is wonderful, but it can also be a negative, sometimes. The things people say to each other—often people they’ve never met in person—can be soul crushing. Before you lash out, ask yourself: “Do I know anything about this person, or why they came to the conclusion they did? If I were to magically switch places with them, what would I discover?” Yes, there are some true asshats in the world, but many times people make what we see as a bad or “stupid” choice because they haven’t been exposed to the same things we have, because they haven’t had the positive opportunities we’ve had, or because something out there has frightened them. Try compassion first.
- Don’t talk about your age as though it’s a negative. The most interesting conversations I have are with people much younger or much older than I, because their view of the planet has to be different, just based on where they are on the road of life. I look at my age this way: Every extra candle on my birthday cake signifies I’m not yet dead. That means I get to see more sunsets, give more hugs to those I love, eat more ice cream, and hear more silly jokes. Maybe that’s what it’s like after we die, too, but personally, I’m in no hurry to find out. Therefore, the older I get, the better.
- Don’t gossip about anyone. Not your friends, not your family, not your children, not even about celebrities. Discussing people’s choices, relationships, failures, physique, even if that discussion is well-intended, always has consequences. And today, with all of our lives being so public thanks to Twitter and Facebook, it’s not unlikely that the person you’re criticizing will hear about it and feel genuinely hurt by what you’ve said. (Even celebrities. They are actually people, believe it or not, with actual feelings.) On the other hand, if for some reason of your own, you want someone to know how you feel about the choices they’ve made, and you’re prepared for the aftermath, go for it. But say it directly and privately to the person —not to their friends, not in a public forum. In short, don’t move your jaw for no reason of value. You’ll be respected a lot more by the general population and, as a result, gain a lot more, if you keep your opinions to yourself.
- Don’t forget to be thankful. Very few human beings, if any, have the life they want, believe it or not. All of us are carrying around a tragic hurt that others can’t see. All of us, even those who look like they have it all. Reflecting endlessly on all our losses, our unfulfilled dreams, our past bad experiences, is like breathing toxic fumes into the atmosphere surrounding us. Being in that space for too long will eventually lead to physical illness. That’s a scientific fact. Other people will start to avoid you, too, because, unbeknownst to you, you’re giving off the stinky odor of discontent. Finding something to be thankful for, even something small, gives people a reason to want to be around you, gives us all a reason to take another shot at having the life we want to live.
There we are —five things you don’t have to do this year. Now, off I go to print out this list, so I can remember it myself!
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