Last week, we flirted with our husbands. With luck, they’ll return the favour this week. I don’t know if I’m speaking for every woman with the ideas I list here, but I did gather them from a hefty sample of females in long-term relationships. I welcome comments or suggestions and mention that I’ve already heard two important ones:
Bob Godley said, “I wouldn’t want to be in love with a woman who wasn’t in love with me.”
That’s so true. Unrequited love is only ‘romantic’ in novels, not in real-life partnerships. If the person you’re married to, or in a long-term relationship with, doesn’t appreciate you and/or is with you for some self-seeking reason of his or her own, I’ll tell you from personal experience, this will only lead to heartache. The love you feel for your partner, will not make your partner love you back.
In addition, as another wise blogger, Ilias K., pointed out, “flirting techniques” are only joyfully effective, if the person you’re flirting with fancies you as much as you fancy him/her.
Bearing this in mind, here’s the list I’ve compiled:
1) The average male (in the western world) has the following grooming products: soap, water, shampoo, razor or beard trimmer, toothbrush and toothpaste and nail clippers. His “extra special” grooming preparations might include, mouth rinse, cologne, and running a comb through his wet hair, so it will dry in place. (I could be wrong, but I don’t think men use hair dryers anymore.)
The average female in the western world uses the following grooming products: tooth brush and tooth paste – the special kind that ‘whitens’ teeth, soap – the special kind with moisturizers in it, water, shampoo – the special kind for her hair type, which includes, curly hair, straight hair, frizzy hair, damaged hair, or hair that’s been coloured and/or ‘permed’ and hair conditioner for same ‘hair types.’ After shower, grooming products include skin moisturizer, special shave cream for sensitive skin and special razors or cream hair removers designed for women’s ‘tender’ skin. We might also use daily, something to darken and lengthen our eyelashes, something to redden our lips and cheeks. The more creative or vain among us (take your choice of adjective there) use something to even out the skin tone on our faces, something to enhance the arch of our eyebrows and make our eyes ‘stand out.’ We can’t just run a comb through our hair – we have to blow dry it, or curl it, or gel it, or mousse it, or clip it up, or pull it back, or ’tease’ it a bit. Our “extra-special” grooming preparations might include, getting our faces squeezed, pinched, steamed and scrubbed in something called a ‘facial.’ And having hot wax smeared on our private parts, then covered with linen, which is stuck to the wax (on purpose) and then pulled off, taking any ‘stray hairs’ with it, in something called a ‘bikini wax.’ Then, we might sit in one position, not moving our limbs for a half an hour or more, so our manicures and pedicures can dry without smearing.
This is a glamorising process (and I’ve only given you the abridged version of what we can and do do to ourselves) that can take anywhere from one-three hours out of our lives daily, depending on how thorough or speedy we want to be. But when it’s complete, we’re “nice and girly” – soft, smooth, polished, silky and ‘glowy.’
You like us that way. And you know it.
So my first suggestion on how to flirt with your wife/long-time lover is this: When she gets out of the bath, or the bedroom, or wherever she conducts this grooming process, handbag in hand, dressed and smiling, set for the evening, do not look at her distractedly, or worse, click your tongue impatiently and ask, “Are you ready to go?”
Instead, say, “Wow.” Or, “You look great.”
She did it for you, you dolt. She wants you to think she looks attractive. She wants to see that light in your eyes, the one you’d get when you’d first go out on dates together. And she was willing to spend one-three hours of her day to achieve this. An hour or three that she could have spent otherwise, doing perhaps what you were doing, while you were waiting for her to finish the tedious grooming process she conducts for you. Instead of pulling out hairs, or dabbing on zit cream, or separating clumps of mascara from out of her eyelashes, she could’ve have been reading the paper, catching up on the sports news, or playing computer games. She gave up all that fun so she could look pretty – for you. So indicate that you noticed this and that you appreciate it. Even if this ‘dolling up’ doesn’t matter to you, it matters to her.
Think of the different start, the different ambience there’ll be to the evening out, if you say, “Wow” (or whatever the equivalent is in your neck of the woods) to your wife, instead of, “Are you ready?”
Every time a woman’s efforts to be attractive to her man are ignored or go unobserved by him, a tiny bit of her femininity dies. She may not ever complain about it, or even act like she notices, but each time it happens, it chips away at her. Until the day comes she gives up caring to make you notice. Or worse, some other man notices what you had under your hands to touch, taste and enjoy all this time, which you took for granted.
2) You don’t like to talk about your deepest fears, worries or insecurities, but she can’t NOT talk about hers. Women’s whole operating system runs on different juice. Visualise the talking we do about our “feelings” as ‘hard drive de-fragmentation.’ When you are de-fragmenting the hard drive on your computer, there’s nothing you can do but sit there while it does its work. You don’t have to give it directions, it knows what it needs to do and it will get on with it. It just takes a while. We can ‘de-fragment’ on our own (or with a group of girlfriends over ‘peach bellinis’) but we want you. Girlfriends are great, but every once in a while when life gets really “shite” and we want to vent, we want our other half to listen. We trust you even more than we trust our girlfriends. You are the one we share our lives and bodies with, so we want to share our feelings with you, too. We don’t need advice, we’re not teenage girls, we’re strong women who just want – need – to talk to our man, so we can re-group and get on with what ever has to be done. All you have to do if you want to help us with this process is understand that we only need empathy. Not advice. If we want advice, we’ll actually ASK for it. If we just need to talk, that’s what we’ll do.
Your part is easier than you make it. Say, “Uh-huh, uh-huh – I see what you’re saying.” “She said, that, huh?” “What did you say?” “Boy, that’s too bad, hon. You must have felt terrible.”
If we cry, hold our hand. Give us a hug. Offer us tea or wine. (Or whatever works at your house.) Be prepared that you may need to do this more than once, until we resolve whatever it is. That’s all you need to do to be a prince in our eyes.
3) Approach sex the way you would building a house. One brick at a time until the whole thing is laid. (Hee hee)
For most women, foreplay starts with that, “You look great,” or sours with, “Are you finally ready?” If you spend a few moments during the day/evening when there is no possibility that you can have sex at that particular moment, looking at your woman as though there’s nothing else you want to do but look at her, she will feel desired, not devoured. When you are making love, talk to her. Not as in, “a funny thing happened to me today,” but as in, “I’ve always thought you have the most beautiful skin…” Yes, it’s strategy of a sorts, only it’s not a takeover you’re trying to stage, but a fulfilment… for both of you.
4) Do one thing that you really and truly do not want to do, but you know she would love. I’m not talking about disowning your irritating mother. (If in fact, you have an irritating mother. Your wife hasn’t said anything to me, I promise.) It should be something that won’t harm you, but just isn’t in your realm of desires. If you know she’d like you to cook for her and you’re a lousy cook and hate the idea, do it anyway. Just once. If it’s dancing, go. Make it clear that this is a gift, a one-off thing that will not be repeated just because you did it once. (Gosh- I hope you’re not married to someone like that, who’d turn a gesture of generosity into a point of argument, as in, “if you did it once, why can’t you do it again?”) If your spouse can be trusted to understand this thing that you are doing is like climbing a mountain for your love, think of one or two things that she’d love, but you’d ordinarily hate and do them. Just for her.
As I read over this list, I realise it’s really not about how to flirt, is it? It’s more about how to love. Have I covered everything? Probably not, but it’s good for a start, I hope.
Actually, most of us "Western Men" know that beauty on the page comes from either airbrushing or a pit crew. We married you with neither. Five minutes is plenty of time to get ready. Now let's go!!
Where ae you going in such a hurry?
With us women, loving is flirting.
We all want to be cherished, loved, appreciated, and thought of as beautiful. To genuinely treat your woman like that is a power aphrodesiac and is most definitely flirting. Treat a women genuinely like this and you don't need any fancy moves….she will be all over you! haha! 🙂
All good advice. And yes we're impatient… we know. It's the process that sometimes eclises the outcome for us. When I come home from a month long job though and I see my girlfriend looking extra pretty for when I come home I always try to complement her.
hey, my hubby still uses a hairdryer… hehehe. not many men do. good advice for men :Dand just to brag for a second, my hubby always compliments me. he's so sweet. hehehe. ;P
I just had to share a conversation I had with my husband not more than twenty minutes ago!
Robert: "I think I'm going to sell the trailer and pickup." (Sorting through the mail)
Me: "What will we do if we want to go camping?"
Robert: "Rent a cabin" (Standing up to throw away the junk mail)
Me: "Why don't we forget camping and just go back to Mexico!!??" 🙂
Robert: "I created a monster!"
Me: Yeah …(wistuflly) but It was So beautiful.
Robert: T"here is a lot of beauty out there!" (Not looking at me but smiling as he tears up some credit card applications)
Me: (Getting excited at the mere prospect that he was about to say something romantic.) Name something!??!
Robert: I don't know I haven't been around the world either but I know there are more beautiful places out there than Mexico!! (Tosses the last of the junk mail in the trash as he's talking and doesn't see the expression on my face)
Me: "You just lost a perfect opportunity to GARUNTEE getting laid tonight!
Robert: (Looking initially bewildered and THEN cracking up) "Nobody ever said I was smart!"…."DAMN".
So there you have it….A typical converstation at our house…LOL
Laurie
OH BTW….For some of the men out there…The appropriate response to "Name something??!" Could have been anything along these lines…"Just staying home would be good enough for me because I have YOU to look at!" Or …"Anyplace that you are with me"..OR "You are all the beauty I need!"….Any one of these would have set my heart "a-flutter"..:-)
But alas….another missed opportunity! LOL
PRINT THIS out and hand it to hubs!!! (BTW- don't think I didn't write it to give my own guy a few hints…)
Okay, he did miss a goood opportunity, but, remember he did try to take that photo of you on that beach when you asked him too. And teh poor dear was almost arrested. You know, sometimes it's just the thought that counts….
Good tips. :->
Gosh, that is so true. The other night, I complained because the bedroom seemed cold and said something like, " I know the shhets will feel cold." He was already lying in bed. When I came out to bed after brushing my teeth, he was quietly lying on my side, and said he was doing that, so he could warm it up for me! It's the little things like that that make me want to jump his bones day and night!
Well this IS true….There is nothing more romantic than a drunk man trying to take my picture during a massage and almost getting arrested! LMAO….I should be more grateful! hahahaha
I give him a hard time about not being romantic but ya know what??? I wouldn't trade his lack of romance for all the empty romantic garbage my ex used to tell me while he cheated on me! Sooo Here's to unromantic FAITHFUL husbands! LOL
She knows she has a special guy and wants to let you know she knows it. You're both very lucky, because you not only respect yourselves, based on what I read on your blog, but you respect each other.
Does he really? I guess some types of hair do look better if blowdryed. I think my husband's would probably look good he blow-dried it, too. I'll mention it. It seems to me you are both very lucky. A happy couple with a lovely baby. It makes me feel very good to know that. : )
lol! You will laugh at this…..if my hubby is first in bed, he usually lies in the middle of the bed so he can warm my side of the bed for me! lol! 🙂
Its the little things…. 🙂
Amen to that!! 'Faithful' is very romantic!
Hmmmm maybe I need to move somewhere cold! LOL….We are usually trying to stay cool!
Ooo. Want to trade? My husband and I are like lizards. We love the heat. We live in the San Francisco Bay Area and are the only two who feel cold here. Right now, I'm sitting in my office with a little mini heater going…..
Thanks. : ) I haven't been over to your blog in a while. I'm going to visit tonight. Knowing you, I'm sure you've got some interesting things posted.
Th elittl ethings count for them, too. My husband says he thinks it's great thatI bring him coffee in the morning. We both work at home, he has to be up before I do, so he puts the coffee up, but it's usually brewed just as I get in the kitchen. All I do is bring his cup to him in his office and yet, he thinks it's the nicest thing.
Yes…its ALL about the little things…for both parties. I am happy to say that we do lots and lots of little things for each other that are such ingrained habits that its unconscious….I feel wierd not doing them and vice versa. We just love serving each other. I personally think of the one keys to long term happinesss lies in doing the little things for each other.
Doing the little things = thoughtfulness
I watch other couples and the happier, more comfortable couples are the ones you see who do the little things for each other.
it makes me happy, too 😛 hehe…i'm very fortunate that i have such a happy family and that he doesn't take me for granted and i always appreciate him. :)i couldn't ask for a better life 🙂
How many years are you married?( I think you said,"ten" but I'm not sure) I'd love to hear how you met each other. I'm going to ask Grrrace the same question, because I'm a sucker for romance. There' nothing I like better than to hear a happy love story.
That's lovely. Grace, how did you and Steve meet? I'd love to hear the story. As I just said to Foxsy, love stories are my favourite! (especially the happy ones…)
i will PM that to you. hehehe. 🙂
Ooo, sounds intriguing…..can't wait!
i'm only PMing because it's kinda long. lots of silly details. hehehe.
I just read it and it was SO romantic!
so… what's the story with you and your husband? 😀 write a post on it 😀
You had me cheering right from point number one. She does it for you, you dolt. And that is the most fundamental thing that men need to realise! 🙂
You know—I just might write a post about it, now that you mention it. It was rather unusual the way we met, to say the least
I know. Why don't they get that? The age-old question. Okay, I admit, some of what I do to keep myself 'together' is also for me, especially the exercise, eating right and other mundane things. But believe me, I could still like myself if I weren't shaving my legs every damn day. That's for him, certainly.
oh, well, now you *have* to post it. 😀 hehehe.
"One brick at a time till the whole thing is laid."
ROFL!!! Love it!
I'm glad you enjoyed it. Thank you! : )
Thank you, Ukdater! : )