I’m a first-generation Italian-American. That slash says it all. It means that though I was born in the United States, walk American and, for the most part, talk American, my blood corpuscles are suffused with foreign tendencies for which science has yet to find an antidote. One of these predilections is this: if I invite guests to my home and discover that I didn’t make sufficient quantities of every food to feed them all, I’ll drop down dead of mortification, right then. I mean that. Since I don’t want to die yet, I’m always on my guard against this happening, wanting to make very sure I have “enough.”
The problem is my view and my husband’s view of “enough” are very different. My husband is just “American.” No slashes. His family came over to the U.S. while not on The Mayflower, probably on the next boat after that one. My theory is that, at one point on that trip, some of them forgot how to cook and most importantly, how to measure portions. When I met him, he was malnourished and now, at age 53, after six years of living together, I’ve only managed to put ten pounds on him. He still wears a size 33 waist trousers. On those last two points alone I rest my argument that plain Americans don’t know how to eat the way we “Something-slash Americans” do. That’s why I didn’t believe him when he told me we had “plenty” of mashed potatoes for Thanksgiving dinner last week.
You have to understand how important the mashed potatoes are at my house. I’ve only recently discovered they’re my stepsons’ favourite food. “Mashed potatoes with homemade gravy” is what they specifically requested when I asked them what they’d like me to make with Thanksgiving turkey. And though it surprised me that this was their primary choice, since it’s such a simple thing, I set out to make the best mashed potatoes and homemade gravy they’d ever tasted. I even bought two turkeys, so I could roast one turkey the night before, use the pan drippings from that turkey to make the gravy way ahead of the time it would be needed, just to be sure it came out right. The gravy turned out well, but it was the mashed potatoes that had me worried. I made those on Wednesday, too, then held up the bowl full and asked my husband, “Pete, does this look like enough?”
He barely glanced at them. “It’s fine.”
What did ‘fine’ mean? I didn’t trust that response.
Luckily,Tim came in the kitchen. Tim is the youngest of the ‘steps.’ Apart from many other endearing qualities, he’s got a great sense of humour. I didn’t know he was about to use it on me.
“Tim, tell me the truth – is this enough mashed potatoes for tomorrow’s dinner?”
“Oh, here we go again,” interjected my husband. “There’s plenty.”
“Be quiet, I’m not asking you,” I admonished him. “I remember the first time you invited me to your place. I lost three pounds in two days.”
Tim started laughing, but Pete looked at me as though I’d slapped him. “What?”
“It’s true. Not that I couldn’t afford to lose them, but that’s not the point. Nobody ever gets enough to eat when you’re in charge of the meals.”
Tim was still laughing as his father stuttered in protest. I looked over at him and demanded again. “Really, Tim, is this enough?”
At once Tim realised how vital the answer to this question was for me. So he stopped laughing at looked at me deadpan, “Well…if it’s just for me and my brothers…sure.”
With that, I turned to my husband smugly. “I told you.” And before either one of them could say anything more, I grabbed my car keys and headed towards the door. “I’m going to get more potatoes.”
“Wait – I was only joking!” Tim called after me, but it was too late. I came home an hour later with eight more Idaho potatoes (and three more sweet potatoes, because I wasn’t sure we had enough of those, either.) And now, as I boiled and mashed my second batch, both Tim and Pete were chuckling.
The two bowls of mashed potatoes were the last items out of the oven Thanksgiving Day. Having been made the day before, they needed thorough reheating. The original bowl made it to the table just fine, along with the sweet potatoes with bananas, baked apples with cranberry sauce and fresh cream, asparagus with mushrooms and garlic, sausage stuffing, three salads, turkey and rolls.
But, as I pulled that second batch of mashed potatoes out of the oven, the gods of Gluttony and Hubris got their revenge on me. Their combined unseen force slid that bowl off my oven mitt to drop and ‘slap shoot’ across the kitchen. Mashed potatoes, in all their creamy, buttery glory, spewed everywhere – on my shoes, my ankles, the cupboards and the wooden floor. I had to slide my way over to the dining room table, where ten dinner guests were looking at me in dismay.
To hell with it. Everything else was hot and ready on the table. Those potatoes were going to stay where they were until we were all done eating.
So, I looked at my husband as I sat, slightly winded, unfolded my napkin and placed it on my lap. “You see? This is just what I mean. Thank God I made two.”
But that wasn’t the end of it. Ater clearing away the dishes, I noticed we still had a whole half bowl of mashed potatoes left. Mind you, these were not counting the ones we’d cleaned off the kitchen floor.
Tim saw me looking at the leftover potatoes in confusion. With a sparkle in his eye, he explained, “You see, what it was, there were so few potatoes left after the second bowl dropped, that we were all afraid to take all we wanted. We thought there might not be ‘enough’ for everyone.” It’s a good thing I understood by then he wasn’t serious. That’s why they were able to resuscitate me after I fainted.
Note: “Mashed Potatoes” was also published on More.com
I remember the first time I went to my (at the time) girlfriend Mary's father's sister's house in Worcester for the Christmas Eve seven fishes dinner. I sat down at the table next to Joe, the Mafia captain (really; he was her uncle). Naturally, we were in the basement room. You know, the one with the second kitchen for special occasions. All the women were busy on that side of the room, as all us men sat waiting to be served. Joe looked at me suspiciously, with my long blonde hair, and said "What's your name?". I told him. He chuckled, and said, "That's no name for a guy. We'll call you Tony." I was just fine with that. When they realized that I ate like an Italian on Christmas Eve, I was golden. After that, nobody asked Mary why she was dating some WASP from California.
In my family, the tradition is to always have enough for strays. This Thanksgiving, we started out with four, including my sister from New York. We ended up with eleven, after we added her local FWB, my flatmates friends from his independent pro-wrestling career, an art client of my sisters and his girlfriend, and friend from a non-profit group I belong to, and somebody my sister had met the day before who casually mentioned having nowhere to go for Thanksgiving. I made sure I had enough for twelve when I knew we were getting eight. Eleven was a squeeze, but the turkey was the size of a small building, so we made out OK.
LOL. omg. i am EXACTLY the same way.i was born in korea, but we came over when i was 1, so i'm really, really americanized… but with food?! i always make WAY too much food. and steve is the SAME way as your hubby. really. this post is so going to be me the next time i actually make a big meal. hehe.
lol! Great story! haha! 🙂
I totally understand the "having enough" neurosy. I grew up in a large family who hosted the whole clan when we were growing up. Holiday dinners were often 60+ people….at OUR house! There was enough food to feed several armies.
And in growing up in a large family, I was used to portioning for crowds….it was hard to start cooking for 1 or 2. Growing up, it was normal to have leftovers…in fact, it feels wierd not to have leftovers. Leftovers meant you cooked enough and everyone had enough to eat.
Hubby's family is different…his mom is the master of portioning. She can usually guess, pretty closely, how much is needed. However, there have been times when things run out and that's it and she isn't concerned as you should have had enough to eat, according to her calculations. I think she must be of the same clan as your dear hubby! 🙂
oh, and I forgot to mention about mashed potatoes and gravey…..you can never make too much of those for a holiday dinner! Not only are they favourites at the table….they make excellent leftovers when you fry up the potatoes and reheat the gravey to pour over them…mmmmmmmmmmmmm….
and..btw….I make the BEST herbed gravey! Its kick-ass!
Great story!! Our dog would have had her own Thanksgiving if we'd lost a dish like that!!
We always tell ourselves we're not going to "over-portion" for big dinner gatherings, but we always do — and that's ok. Leftovers from a great meal are like a happy memory.
Oh, my Gosh! You just brought back so many memories with this comment! The fish was for Christmas and New Year's Eve and we had a basement like the one you describe, too. I love this comment! Thank you so much.( P.S. My Pete is a WASP from Califonria, too. You guys are terrific.)
My mother-in-law is the same. I get along with her quite well, but my s-i-l's and I ALWAYS bring food to her house. It's either that or we go away with growling stomachs. If they're reading this now, I know they are laughing….
Haven't read all the post write now – connection problems but I will say one thing based on the first paragraph – May there never be an antidote.
I hope you wouldn't mind giving me the recipe for this gravy sometime. I am not joking when I say we were raised Italian. We didn't make gravy, we just used the meat juices straight from the pan. I think my gravy needs work. Everyone said it was 'fine' but again, I don't believe them.
We have to just keep feeding them. I think we should all exchange recipes. I would love to get some of yours and I have a few good ones. Maybe we can in time for Christmas?
I should get a dog, I'm always dropping things in the kitchen. About leftovers, you shoud read Laurie's posts about the 'leftover maniac' in her husband's family.. They're really funny.
haha…smart move on your part to bring food to your MIL's house!
If I brought more than a dessert or appy to my MIL's house, I would insult her to no end. Generally we have enough…but sometimes things run out or run low because its a favourite. She makes 2 kinds of stuffing – bread and pork – which are both delicious and favourites of everyone…so they are usually in high demand. I can't say we are deprived or end up with growling stomachs. Its probably a good thing that we dont' over do it. And we do often get leftovers to take home…not usually stuffing, haha!….but some meat, gravy, and a few other things.
As far as gravey goes, my dad is British so we always had gravey…haha! I love gravey! Unfortunately, my mom didn't like anything in anything, including salt….so gravey was pretty bland growing up. As an adult I have learned how to make great gravey and am often asked to make the gravey at different houses. And unfortunately, I don't cook with measurements….only to taste. I think I tried, one time, to explain how to make my gravey to someone….I will see if I can find that email. Making gravey also depends on what you put into the turkey and what you baste it with. A friend of mine once put a bottle of beer over a bird to cook and baste with….and with just a few things added, less than usual, the gravey was unbelievable!!! (it didnt taste like beer…..but the beer made it nice and rich and flavourful!)
I understand your need to make a great meal and please everyone….but relax…..if they say its fine, then its fine. I usually try to please myself, with my cooking, as I am picky, and if I do that then everyone else is taken care of….haha!
i don't have any really special recipes, but i have a couple i wouldn't mind sharing 😀 any type of dish you have in mind? sides? dessert? entree? lemme know 🙂 i'll PM them over 😀
Sooo funny! I loved this story 'cause that is entirely my kind of luck… well at least the dropping of food part is.
It sounds like you're a great cook. I'm pretty confident about my cooking, however, it just irks me a bit when I only get a 'fine' as a reply from hubs. After all that work, it's nicer to hear a "this is delicious, hon." It rarely happens, although I hear it all the time from my kids. (sigh) I have sooo tried to turn him into a 'foodie.' But, no go. He just eats to live, not lives to eat, which I suppose is healthier, as he's never had to go on a diet. On the other hand, he also despised vegetables and I have to come up with sneaky ways to get him to eat any, just like some people do with their kids. Overall, he's a challenge when it comes to meals. Oh, well. : )
I hear you, M. I've dropped so many things lately, I'm starting to wonder if I've had a stroke and somehow didn't notice. ; )
I would love an new entree. How about you? Would you like anything? I've got a great shrimp fettucine recipe. (I'll trade ya)
Ha ha. I donlt doubt that they'll never find one. At least, not one that would work on me. : )
haha…he doesn't like veggies and you have to be creative to get him to eat them? haha….maybe you and my sister should chat! Her 3.5 year announced earlier this year that "vegetables make him grumpy" …hahaha! He freaks if a veggie comes near his plate but will sometimes eat a bowl of carrots of other things. One things she does is puree up herbs and veggies and puts that in sauces, etc. so he is getting it without knowing it. I am sure you got lots of tricks up your sleeve! 🙂
And as far as the whole "fine" thing…are you sure that its not just a battle of verbage? I went through a verbage thing with my hubby over the word "cute" which I don't really like being called. I don't mind being called "cutie-pie" when being addressed by him sometimes, or having "cute" shoes, or a "cute" top….but hate being told that I am cute when I spend an hour or 2 getting made up! I want to be called pretty, or beautiful, or hot, or fine….those are acceptable! In talking with him, I found out that he thought cute was the same thing as the other words since he heard so many girls use that in a similiar context. I told him no…..and he changed his verbage. He meant the same thing but was using wrong verbage in my mind. Now he uses better verbage and we are all happier! lol! 🙂 Could it be that your hubby's "fine" is his compliment….in stereotypical clueless guy manner?
Yes, probably. A very good point. And I agree with you about the 'cute' thing. (He knows you're beautiful, I'm sure. It was a poor word choice as you said.)
You know what? I have a question for you, totallyon another subject Right at this very moment, I'm writing and dong research for, my second full-length work (We're still waiting to hear from publishers on Harlot's Sauce, so I thought that if it takes this long, might as well get started on the next. )This next is complete fiction, though some of the cvaracters are based on women I have met (Mrs. Peel being one of them) and some experiences I've had. And, I know this might sound silly, but I have to ask you your opinon, because you're one of the intelligent women I talk to – what are your thoughts on spirits, ghosts, whatever you might call them?
That's a pretty broad question! 🙂 I am not entirely sure what you mean by your question. If you want to "chat", we can chat back and forth here on this blog….or you can private message me…..or you can email or IM me from the main page of my blog.
oh…and before I forget, with regards to cooking, etc., you might want to check out Kyle Minor's blog….he is an awesome cook and this year, he posted all these great Thanksgiving cooking posts. I favourite the turkey one but they were all fab as are pretty much most of his cooking posts. You might get some great ideas and recipes from him.
This is great. Thank you! I will check out his recipes. This is the type of cooking I want to learn more about. I grew up on Italian food and spent a lot of time cooking Italian and greek primarily. So thanks again.
I'd love to chat about this if you have some time. We can do that however it's easier for you. On your blog, or mine. My question is kind of broad, but essentially – do you think that there is a possibility that spirits exist? If so, how and why do they remain here? (All in theory/opinion/speculation, of course) Have you ever had an experience that seemed ghostly' to you? An indication that someone was trying to reach out to you from the afterlife. etc? if you have time for a chat, that 's great. If not, we can do it some other time, if you're willing. : )
hmmm….my hubby is out of town….I am working from home, alone….its raining….I am cold (just turned up the heat)……YES I would love to chat! haha! Its a shame you don't have IM. Whatever format you want to use is fine with me.
Great! And I'll definitely look into IM soon, I promise. ( I'm also home alone working, too) So- what are your thoughts about the ghosts/spirits question?
Do you think that there is a possibility that spirits exist?
That's an interesting questions. I have wondered this and the possibility is both comforting and creepy at the same time. And how much of people's experiences in their mind? Something doesn't have to be real because perception is reality. My dad says that he often feels my mom sitting next to him…..which is comforting. I have often heard my mom's voice in my head…..perception or reality? I remember feeling freedom in the air at my mom's bedside when she died…..it was a very sad time but I felt the air of freedom from her earthly chains….perception or reality?
But then again, doesn't believing in spirits take the similiar faith that is does to believe in a god? You can't see it or touch it but you can sometimes feel it?
If so, how and why do they remain here? (All in theory/opinion/speculation, of course)
I think that if spirits do exist, there are many reasons to remain….could be unfinished business…..or a temporary stay to comfort loved ones……or this could be pergatory for some people to remain on earth as spirits and unable to do anything or see/talk to anyone?
I do believe in angels…..and have wondered if some dead people turn into angels or if angels are totally separate beings.
Have you ever had an experience that seemed ghostly' to you? An indication that someone was trying to reach out to you from the afterlife. etc?
I don't know if anyone was trying to reach out but as I have mentioned, I have felt "presence".
hrm… pork or chicken? any preference? 🙂
I've been visiting other posts whilst waiting for your thoughts. Kirk has a great one. You're thoughts/perceptions are keenly in line with mine. I had an experience recently which got the ball rolling for this novel. I've been told that I am what is called an 'empath' a person who can feel the emotions of others a bit more strongly than other people can and enough so that it can sometimes make me or the other person distinctly uncomfortable. I also get these premonitions, etc and a sense of some unseen, yet benign presences. Now, this is so sporadic that I don't even think about it as a general rule, nor do I make a practice out of honing or willing it to happen, so I can have my own TV show, say. It just comes and goes.When my stepson died, I so hoped to get something, but never did. That was the one and only time I tried to 'call' it, if you know what I mean. It didn't happen. But a month ago, something did happen when I wasn't execting it and it was so vivid that I can't get it out of my mind. My husband (the "fine" sayer – poker player, non-vegetable eater) doesn't know what to make of it. I know he wants to think its bollocks, but somehow he can't. Know what I mean? Well, thanks for your thoughts.
I have a book here somewhere written by a man who uses a series of numbers to deternine where we all in terms of how far along to becoming an angel. In other words, that's what we're all supposed to be working towards.And we get several lives to do it. It's really an interesting theory.
Another question, (if you're in the mood, not to tired, etc) having to do with the plot of my story. Lets' say there is ghost aboard a ship confined to a kitchen. ( I have one in the story) What are some possible reasons she woud be confined to only there? I have one theory so far, but maybe you have a better imagination than I when it comes to ghosts?
Oooh. Pork. I love pork and I'm always cooking chicken. I can't wait to hear it. : )
ok….this is really wierd……I have been called an empath as well! I have a friend who is a clairvoyant (its in her genes as well) and she recognized me as one almost immediately. We have had some "interesting" conversations. I never knew what an empath was until she told me…..but I had alway experienced the same things you have…..I just know things. And I am very good with sensing emotions, even if people try to hide them and look normal to everyone else….I just know. I had a friend once, who lived across the country, and I could even sense his emotions over email….used to totally freak him out. He would be emailing me about normal stuff….and I would be "what's wrong"…and he would be "nothing"….and I would persist….and he would end up admitting it and be "how do you know?"…I just do…..! The emotion thing is a bit of a curse as well since being for long periods in groups of crowds of people really drains me as I absorb others emotions too much. My friend, the clairvoyant, said she would help me learn how to guard myself better against that…which will be nice! I have VERY strong intuition that I most often cannot explain….and my husband has learned to follow. If you are friends with me and I am around you during your pregnancy, I can 100% guess which sex you are having….and I have a long record with this. My best story on this was a friend who really wanted a boy but I sensed she was having a girl and told her so….well, her doctor told her near the end of her pregnancy tha she was having a boy…..but for some reason that didn't sit well with me as I still felt it was a girl…..and guess what, she had a girl! But I do know what you mean….you can't really channel it…..it just comes and goes….
Is your hubby a poker play? Hahaha….mine is too! As am I when I am in the mood….and not bad, either!
That's an interesting theory about angels.
And your new question….hmmmm….ghost confined to the kitchen. Hard to answer without knowing the context of the story. Is she main character? What is the story about? How does she fit into the story?
Wow! The info about you is astonishing. I agree that sensing people's emotions can get overwhelming . It's like a bombardment sometimes. But, you know, I met someone recently whom I'd heard some not-so-good things about and I was so prepared to be on my guard against her. After two minutes, though, I could tell that I had been given the wrong impression and that was very helpful in that instance.
I can't play poker, I wish I could. Hubs went the World Series of Poker in Vegas this past summer. Naturally I wrote a blog about it.
As for the ghost, that's just it- she's not a main character, but I want her to have more of a role rather than just being a convenient ghost in the kitchen. The main characters are four corporal women (not ghosts I mean) The three ghosts in the story are peripheral, but I want one in the kitchen in particular as comic relief and because an action takes place itn eh kitchen that is vital to the story's turning point. Yet, I want there to be a good reason why she is confined there. I can only think of one and it's not very original to my mind. It's that she's been buried there, of course. And that would link to a few other events in the story, but I still wish I could come up with a better reason. I enjoy reading stories where all the characters, even the peripheral ones, are interesting, and that's why I'm hoping to come up with something that adds to her personality as she was in life, or some damn thing to do with the kitchen.
I met someone recently whom I'd heard some not-so-good things about and I was so prepared to be on my guard against her. After two minutes, though, I could tell that I had been given the wrong impression and that was very helpful in that instance.
I have experience this too. Very often its people reading other people wrong and I can often see what people read wrong.
Oooh…..your hubs went to the world series of poker? My hubs will be jealous! He tried to win a seat.
I started playing when I found myself interested in poker after absorbing it from my hubby. I was intrigued and wanted to give it a try. I also have received pointers from a friend who is pro. We sometimes play fun games with friends. I also play online sometimes with play chips. And I played in a friend's tourney once, with some really good players and a few local pros…….and I came in 3rd!!! It was for charity and a lot of fun! I am surprised that you don't play since you can read people…..because it more about playing the person not just the cards. I guess I shall have to teach you….empath to empath!!! :p
As far as your ghostie in the kitchen, is it alright if I take some time (maybe days) thinking about it? I have done some comedy writing for a friend and have a good imagination….just need some time to let it marinate in my mind. Is that ok?
That's sounds great . I truly appreciate it. I'll be thinking about it, too,
I'm amazed that you can play poker. I truly am. I doubt I could ever learn, because it all seems so fast paced to me. If you have the time and inclination, you might want to read this. It tells all about Pete's World Series experience.
This was great reading…you really captured the spirit of the holidays and of family. Mashed potatoes are my all-time favorite food, too (we eat them at Thanksgiving not with gravy, but with my mom's killer cheese sauce), and I think I started to cry when I imagined that beautiful batch hitting the floor… 😉
Cheese sauce sounds delicious. I got on the scale this morning and I don't even want to think about how many extra lps on the treadmill "saying thanks" is going to cost me this month. : )
It is delicious. It is sinful and heavenly, all at the same time. 🙂 I haven't eaten meat in years, but when I was growing up, we always went for cheese sauce on the turkey instead of gravy. We only eat it at the holidays because it's so damn fattening. It's super easy to make: one part mayo, one part milk, two parts sharp shredded Cheddar. That's it! Stir constantly in a saucepan till heated through and cheese is melted. Serve over anything that needs a heaping helping of cheese sauce. And worry about treadmill laps later. Ha!!
Oh gosh- it sounds delicious! I bet it also tastes good on pasta. BTW- I meantto ask you – are you writing fulltime or also attending school?
I was browsing books online today and came across a cookbook that made me think of you cooking for your veggie-hating hubby!!!
There is a cookbook called The Sneaky Chef. Its targeted at cooking for kids…but her recipes specialize in hiding veggies and good stuff in foods that look and taste good. I checked around and she appears to have received rave reviews for her recipes. …….And she is coming out with a new book aimed at cooking for husbands!!!
Anyhoo….thought I would pass the info along…. 🙂
It was very nice that you were thinking of me. I heard about this cookbook.Isn't she the one who is suing Jerry Seinfeld's wife? (something about stealjn a recipe for spinach in brownies or something…) Anyway, I'll definitely check out the one for husbands.Thanks. I have to admit, I'm running out of ideas. The only green vegetable he'll eat is asparagus and I'm sooo bored with that one….