Gwen Conliffe and Lon Chaney Jr. “What are you thinking?” Men say they cringe when women ask that question, because very often they’re thinking “nothing.” What they probably don’t understand is that most women can’t imagine what it’s like to be thinking ‘nothing’. Much to our chagrin, we’re always thinking ‘something’, and more often than not, that ‘something’ has a worry attached to it. I thought I’d grow out of my penchant for worry, but I finally have to come to terms with the fact that that will just never happen. My knack for worrying hasn’t diminished one whit; it’s only adjusted itself for my age bracket. Instead of staring in the mirror at my outfit, worrying … [Read more...]
Got Love?
February 14 must only be celebrated by couples who plan to buy dinner at restaurants that usually cost 20 bucks per person, but just for today, cost 100 per person. (Not including tip.) Then, one member of the couple gives Tiffany diamonds to the other member of the couple, the one wearing red panties she (or he) bought just for the occasion, at a cost of more than my best business suit. And, after dinner is eaten and diamonds bestowed, the couple go off to their rose petal-covered bed, where said lingerie is strewn across satin sheets, and they have wild, passionate, monkey sex. That is, if you believe the media hype. And those who do usually end up being quite disappointed on this day, … [Read more...]
If I Designed Government Committees
I wonder if anyone’s noticed that there are two websites for the US government’s Committee on Homeland Security ─ one Democrat and one Republican. Homeland Security Committee also has six subcommittees (and for anyone who’s might be interested in knowing what these do, there’s much more information about them on the Democrat site than the Republican, for some reason.) But I don’t need to know what they do. You know why? Because, after the main committee came up with color code alerts, enforced the use of plastic baggies for liquids (in 3 oz. bottles, maximum), subjected me to fungal infections by insisting I take off my shoes, and nearly confiscating my brand-new, 45-dollar bottle of … [Read more...]
2009: The Year That Ended Dangerously
Happy New Year, Everyone! Today I have some significant news to share. On December 17, 2009, in the very early hours of the morning, I nearly bled to death. I’m afraid I’m serious ─ by the time I was admitted into hospital from the emergency room, I was down to about a quarter of the amount of blood needed to sustain life. The irony of this situation is that I was under a doctor’s care at the time, and that’s one of the reasons that I’m going public with this today. The second reason is because since I have been off Facebook, my blogs, and other social networking sites, I’ve been getting emails from ‘fans’ asking questions such as: “Are you in rehab? You can tell me! My brother was in … [Read more...]
The Angel and The Ladder (For Kzinti and Baria, with much affection and many thanks for your comments here)
Roger Moore as The Saint Once upon a time, a man died and went up to Heaven, where Saint Peter was waiting for him at the Holy Gates. “I’m very sorry,” said Saint Pete, “but I can’t let you in.” The man was shocked and very disappointed. “Why not, Saint Peter?” he asked. “Wasn’t I a good man on Earth?” “You were a very good man, indeed,” replied Saint Pete.“But here’s what your problem was – you could not stop yourself from telling other people how to lead their lives. If they were making a mistake of some kind, you felt compelled to point it out to them.” Once again, the man was shocked by Saint Peter’s words. “But I don’t understand, Saint Peter. Why was this a bad thing? I … [Read more...]
Just to Clarify- I AM an Expert
I have been receiving a lot of emails from readers ever since my book, Harlot's Sauce, was published. The emails have ranged from "good book, but change the cover" (more than one person has said that, and finally the publisher has listened, but more about that later...) to an outpouring of admiration and assignations to me of wisdom and expertise, as in, "You're SO wise when it comes to relationships. I wish I were more like you." And this feels... weird. Because, first of all, a letter filled with adoration received from a person who doesn't know me is, to paraphrase Amy Alkon, a bit like having a stranger come up to you and give you a foot massage- it feels good, maybe even a little … [Read more...]
Why Can’t They Just Ignore Each Other?
For those who don’t know him, please let me introduce my blog 'neighbor' and fellow writer for HS Radio magazine, Tommy Hames. Tommy Hames and wife Tom and I disagree on almost every current issue, I’ve noticed. And when we disagree politically, socially, economically and spiritually, well…I won’t sugarcoat this ─ I think he’s wrong. Dead wrong. And I think that I’m right. And my guess would be Tom thinks I’m wrong, dead wrong (can you imagine?) and he’s right. And yet, it’s a funny thing…I still like Tom. And he likes me. Based on replies to my posts, comments he’s made on his, I know he thinks about my perspective, even if he will never agree with me. And … [Read more...]
Scratching That Tickle
Summer is upon us, and though many of us see this season as our opportunity to get frisky in the sun, it’s also the season for bug bites and… other nature-induced itches. The handy guide below will help you decide when, or even if you should “scratch”: Poison Oak If you’ve got a poison oak rash, it means you’ve been crawling around in a wild place you shouldn’t have, with your naked limbs exposed, and shame on you. Poison oak rash is oozy and scaly, just like that bloke you almost let pick you up at that sleazy bar your friends dragged you to last week. It’s a contamination that will spread over your entire being the more you touch it. Definitely, definitely do not scratch that tickle. … [Read more...]
Today, I Will Let Someone Else’s Words Speak for Me
Lt. Daniel Choi, is a West Point graduate with a degree in ARABIC, yet he was tossed out of the military for being gay. Please read his open letter to the President posted below (or watch his interview via the link provided.) And if you feel this is a "slap in the face", show some support by pasting this to your blog to help get the word out. And remember, YOUR tax dollars paid for his education at West Point. I think we have a right to see a return on that investment, unless there is a better reason for his having been relived of duty than his being gay. http://amfix.blogs.cnn.com/2009/05/08/dont-ask-dont-tell-continues-under-obama/ Open Letter to President Obama and Every Member of … [Read more...]
Part II – I am No Longer A Person, Now I am Officially a Writer: Getting The Literary Agent
Now that you have your newly-edited manuscript down to 143,122 words, (not including the 36,310 words of the ‘Back Section’ which includes recipes, a guide to additional reading, a history lesson, a wine list, and other information you deemed pertinent to your readers as addendums to your manuscript), you start looking for a book publisher. The only problem there is that you have no idea how to find a book publisher. Someone wiser than you, or maybe someone who just overheard someone else talking to another someone about this, suggests you get a “literary agent”. But you’ve no idea how to find one of those, either. So: 1) You go into your husband’s office and ask him, “Have you any … [Read more...]
I am no Longer a Person; Now I am Officially a Writer
May 2009 marks two years since I wrote my first blog. These two years have been an extraordinary writing journey for me. I started ‘blogging’ because my literary agent recommended it as a way to build my writer’s platform , but discovered that it offered me much more than that. Blogging helped me make friends from parts of the world I’ve not yet even had the opportunity to visit, taught me how much more alike across the globe we all are than I’d even suspected, and made me think about my perspectives on so many social and political issues. All because of comments left for me on my written posts by other bloggers, and comments left on the posts of others whose blogs I loved to … [Read more...]
Farewell to My Friends on VOX
I had a lot of fun posting on VOX.com. I learned that something which I'd always hoped was true, is TRUE: The more people seem different from me, be it their nationality, their skin coloring, their sex, viewpoints, religion, or location - the more I see we are the same, once we really get to know each other. Also, because in the United States we’re still in “Black History Month”, (a separation from plain old “American history” that I think is ridiculous, but that’s a subject for another post), I want to leave you with this one civilization-altering photo taken from Life magazine in 1968: Black Power Salute 1968 Mexico City Olympics During the Olympic Games in Mexico … [Read more...]
…. But, the Story Could Have Also Gone This Way…. (Satire)
Chicago, 1976 The 15-year-old boy was tall for his age, very dark, and rather skinny. Wearing a cheap, ill-fitting suit that only emphasized his gangly frame, he stood in the courtroom facing Judge Joseph Gary’s bench. His court-appointed public defender, Robert Klein, of the law firm Fielden, Neebe and Scwab, stood beside him. The judge spoke, “Mr. Klein, your client is accused of armed robbery at Giordano’s Pizzeria downtown. How do you plead?” “Guilty, your honor,” replied Mr. Klein, “but with a request for a commuted sentence.” “On what grounds?” demanded Judge Gary. “He shot Leo Spizzirri right in the leg. Leo dropped a five gallon container of tomato sauce. It splashed all over the … [Read more...]